I am deep in the throes of project delivery and suffering the fatigue that can only be experienced on a long term project - disgruntlement, boredom, irritability, frustration!
Do not be fooled. It's a goddamn minefield out there in the online dating world. Having relaunched myself in the same way that Madge and Kylie have over the years, you know, new photos, new profile, new bloody haircut ('go blonde' said my hairdresser!), I am working my way through the tedious task of filtering the dross that inevitably makes its way into my inbox.
As expected I have my scientific process for identifiying potential and analysing performance. That's right, the Dating Multi-Criteria Analysis Spreadsheet, where all dates are scored on a whole bunch of things - looks, money, hair, conversation, potential for family introductions, oh yes, and personality. And I have taken the advice of all and sundry. Okay, I've taken the advice of Big Sister and Crazy Work Colleagues Living Vicariously Through Me who urge "don't be so picky, expand your bandwidth, look at younger guys, look at older guys, relax, don't call, send a text, shoot yourself."
To be fair, I have had some success. I am really good at getting Potential Suitors to call. And not too bad even at making it to the first date. It's progressing past that point which is proving difficult. No, let's be honest. It's frigging impossible. Which says to me I must really suck at relationship building, unless of course we're talking about nanorelationships which are so now. What's a nanorelationship you ask? It's the relationship that involves one phone call, two text messages and a meeting over coffee or drink and then you're done! You just move on. How easy is that?!! Perfect for the commitment-phobe.
What I've come to learn through this new genre of loving is that there are an awful lot of guys out there who make these sweeping judgements of their dates without actually taking the time to find out a little more about what makes them tick. Like Stormin' Norman who couldn't understand that I'd need to make babysitting arrangements for the half hour slot he had between his Very Important Meeting and Other Very Important Meeting ("you know my contract's at a very critical phase." Whatever!). Or there was Mr Gold Coast I'm A Cool Dad who after dinner arranged to go out again but didn't respond to my text message (a common theme). Or there's Mr I've Got a Sob Story (my wife left me/screwed me over/is still with me). Oh cry me a river!
The upside is, I am meeting lots of people who I wouldn't otherwise come across. Take Biker Boy who neglected to tell me he would pick me up....on his motorbike. You know, that was one of the more interesting experiences. Me riding on the back of a bike, scarf flying off behind me a la Bridget Jones on her mini break with Hugh aka Big Jerk, wondering how the hell I got there. (oh that's right, my life blew up!). At the urging of his three sons who insisted, "take the bike Dad, she'll love it!" he did, to which I responded, "perhaps you should consider not taking their dating advice in future."
I have also met Mr Intensity in Ten Cities and Dental Dude and the Fascist German the latter of whom asked me what I was doing in two weeks when he called me at 10pm on a Friday night. I mean, give me a break. I am flat out knowing what I'm doing from day to day let alone two weeks time at 3.15pm. Apparently, ve hevv vays of making you meet us!)
I accept that if a girl tells you that you're the first date she's had in ten years because she's been in therapy that whole time as her ex-boyfriend convinced her she was carrying the Devil's spawn that you could be a little put off commitment (true story as told by one of my Nano Boyfriends!!). Or if your wife of twenty years left you to go bat for the opposition that you might look at all women in a whole new light. But seriously, I would love someone to tell me what it would take to get a second date.
There would be millions in it!
It Mummy
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
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